These are the words of someone suffering under the blanket of far-awayness from God, yet someone standing firm in the knowledge that God will never let go: 'to Him who is able to keep you from failing...' (Jude 24).
My Soul Amnesia/ My Wasteland
My wasteland beats in my chest.
The dust is thick on the
cluster of thirsty crevasses,
They pant of numbness and thirst.
Purple unfolds across its surface
The bruise flowers against my chest
But I can’t feel it
I feel nothing.
I only feel the ache of not feeling
Knowing that I’m not knowing
These are the symptoms of my soul amnesia.
Thoughts and feelings clamour above me
Groaning and thickening, a dark cloud.
I am a bruised reed, a smouldering wick
I am a spluttering flame
Mind-truths batter the dome around my heart;
An iron casket woven from idleness, selfishness, forgetfulness
The condition of sin, the condition of me.
But my house is built on solid rock.
And, luckily, what the heart forgets the spirit remembers.
A bigger hand than mine can shatter the glass
A hand with a hole can scoop out the soul
A single quiet lamb, fully God, fully man
Can flood me with warmth and gladness
The Word casts a shadow across my broken body
The Wellspring floods the clefts in my wasteland
And it begins to thump again
With blood that is not my own
I am not my own
I belong to He who breathes life into his beloved children
He who cradles them when they are tired
And sustains them when they cannot see
He who sends forth light and truth
For a stubborn